At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
