I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is it penis luge time yet?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
