On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
