Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
is it fun? or sober?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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