Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
