I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
