you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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