So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
