I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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