I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
