Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
