guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
