Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
