Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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