I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk is a universal language darling
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