He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
