My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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