it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
