Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
