I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
