hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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