He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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