we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
