margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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