Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
