Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
