so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
