Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
