i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
