Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
