I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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