yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
