It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
