it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
