guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
