You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
