dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
