ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
