All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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