I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
