whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
