omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
