I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
