peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
