I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
