I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
