Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
