Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
