I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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