you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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