The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
