i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
