Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
