you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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