it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
