At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
