That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
