"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
